I'll Always Be Thankful...

Our families came together and read poems, sang songs, made posters, and talked about all the things we were thankful for after Thanksgiving dinner.

I love family pictures! :)

I was SOOOO cold outside!!

Gotta love Thanksgiving desserts!





This Thanksgiving was particularly special to me because it's the last Thanksgiving I'll have living at home with my family. From now on, I'll always be coming home for Thanksgiving. I was blessed to be able to spend time with close relatives, extended family, people I wish were my family and close friends. I can't think of a better way to have spent this holiday than with the people I love the most, eating ungodly amounts of food and playing ridiculously competitive board games!

Follow Me on Twitter!

So I finally broke down and got a twitter account....follow me sometime! :)

Bold Steps

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you feel constantly dissatisfied?

You feel like your life has no meaning and purpose, and you're going no where. You know you're meant for more. You even used to believe it. Maybe you're doing everything right; being actively involved in a Bible-believing church, spending time with God each day, surrounding yourself with people who encourage and build you up. But still, deep down inside, there's the fear that God won't be able to fill the void of empty living that's taken ahold of you.

I'm doing what I'm supposed to God, I'm praying and reading your Word...why then is it so hard for me to overcome these every day struggles?

I've always thought that by constantly doing the right thing and trying to seek God's face, I would be able to get back to that fulfilling place in life I used to have before my life got so complicated. I was doing everything right...but I had no joy in doing so. I made time for reading God's Word...but it felt more like a chore than anything else. I prayed...but my prayers just seemed to hit the ceiling.

I didn't understand. I desired, I longed for the uniquely fulfilling, purposeful life I used have in Christ. I missed the fellowship full of love and joy that I used share with my Savior; my best friend. So what was I doing wrong? I thought I had everything right. Why was my life so empty?

Through all of my searching, all of my striving to be The Good Christian, I missed one of the most important things of all. There's a verse in Deuteronomy where God is exhorting Israel to follow Him above all else and to have courage as He led them into the Promised Land.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5)

That's what I was missing! You see, I was doing the right things in my life, but I was neglecting one of the fundamental things God asks of me: to love Him with all my heart, soul, and strength. I couldn't truly love Him because I was divided under a relationship that I had been clinging to for much too long.

Morally, there was nothing wrong with my friendship, but when I began to look to him for my affirmation and acceptance instead of God, it became unhealthy. I was trying to serve him first instead of God. I began to let my security depend on how he made me feel rather than on the truth of what God says about me, that I'm a precious daughter of the King. We both knew it wasn't the right time or place to be trying to have a serious relationship, but still we held on anyway. When I put someone in front of my relationship with God, my fellowship with the Savior became broken.

It was a hard thing to let go. I think all relationships are.

Maybe we'll get another chance to learn how to make a relationship work in harmony with God. Even if we don't, I trust God enough to teach me relationships His way and in His timing. I can't imagine life now back the way I used to live!

My prayer for you is that you live a life full of the unhindered joy and freedom that comes with a life surrendered to Christ. Will you take a brave step and begin the journey?

"We may not arrive,
but we would persevere to the end,
following the True course."
-Unknown

Piece by Piece

Riding in the pickup truck of a guy I barely knew, I wasn't really sure how I had gotten there. What was I thinking? I'm terrible at this kinda stuff. But for some odd reason, I had turned up on a Monday night to my church for visitation. So there I was, headed to a stranger's house to invite them to church. This may sound like no big deal, but for me, this was a big deal.

I'm scared of witnessing.

To be completely honest, the idea of telling my friends about Jesus and possibly suffering rejection freaks me out. Even though I know it's not me they're choosing to reject, but Christ, I've still never been able to get past the fear. So it might seem a little weird that I would show up to a church function that's sole purpose is to invite people to church and possibly tell them about Jesus. Don't worry. I thought it was weird too.

For some reason all that Monday morning and afternoon, I just couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I needed to go. I knew that teenagers didn't show up for visitation. It would probably be me and a bunch of old people. But I still found myself ten minutes to 6:30, putting on my jacket and hopping in the car. It turned out I wasn't the only one in the youth group interested in visitation. But that's where it began. Something strange was happening.

This week I had the strangest nagging to talk to a guy in my class about what he thought about God, his purpose in life and what he believes. I thought it was going to be really hard, but after the initial hurtle of just opening up, he was very interested in talking about it. Even though he's not where he needs to be with God, I was able to encourage him. I think that right then for the first time I realized that I can't make people choose Christ. I'm called to show them love and tell them God's truth in love. But I can't make them do anything.

Later that evening I went visiting again. We talked with a single mom who had children and seemed to be at a tough place in life. She was friendly and seemed interested that we had come to talk with her. She even said she might come to church sometime. I was beginning to understand how little witnessing really has to do with me. I've had it wrong this whole time.

I thought in order for people to accept Jesus, I had to have all the answers, be able to persuade them and move their hearts. And when I didn't have the answers, I didn't see the point in trying to witness any more. God's revealed that witnessing isn't about me. It's about Him and what He does in people's hearts and lives. Not me. I saw just how much I need to commit people to prayer and be willing to tell what's God's done in me, and leave the results to Him. Because ultimately, I am nothing. God chooses to use me as His vessel. If I trust in myself, I'll be blinded by my own inadequacy, but when I let go and let God work, He can truly do wonders.

Be careful what you pray for, because when you ask God to mold you into His likeness, He's faithful to answer. Witnessing and talking about God is something I've struggled with for years, but just now God's finally teaching me to overcome it. If only I had asked Him long ago to fix this area of my life. Never wait to walk in His footsteps...when placed in the hand of the Almighty, things we thought the hardest become mere shadows of the mountains we thought they would be. In Him and Him alone!

Something More...

My experience this semester has been going something like...

Scholarship applications. Ugh.

More scholarship applications! Groan.........

Fill...out...just....one....MORE!

Honestly, senior year is enough to make anyone go crazy. Or at least get a very bad case of senioritis. Lately,underneath this huge load of scholarships, scholarships, scholarships, resumes, coursework, college visits, spending all the time you can with friends, and other such noble pursuits, I've found it's really easy to get hopeless fast. I mean, what do I have to look forward to once I get past this hurtle? College, getting a job, maybe getting married and juggling all stress that kids and raising a family brings?

Is that truly all this life is? Moving from one stress to the next?

Sometimes I wonder when my joy and hope for the future became over shadowed by "life." When did I stop dreaming bigger dreams for myself? When did I stop trusting God had something different for my life, that He would use me to make a difference?

It was easy to believe my life was meant for more when I was younger and didn't have the weight of a hundred decisions resting on my shoulders. It was easier when cynicism and the "hard facts of life" didn't cloud my hope of the future. It was easier the first time I came into contact with poverty, and was able to view the world as so much bigger than myself.

Sometimes fear makes me wonder if I'm destined to just take up space until I die, not changing anything or impacting anyone.

As I sat at my desk, feeling utterly hopeless, I remember the sweet soft voice of the Lord whispering, You're not alone. Your life is not without meaning. Seek me with your whole heart, and I will show you great and mighty things you do not yet know. And slowly, the joy that had been hiding for over a year came back, as beautiful as the morning...full of promise.

I'm not hopeless.

I was meant for more.

Even as I came to realize what I had lost during my obesssion with fruitless joys and empty pursuits of the future, I knew it would take sacrifice. A set apart life isn't easy. I'm learning that on a day-to-day basis. The time I spend with God is a sacrifice, but is becoming sweeter with each passing day. The deeper I plunge, the more I realize just how much relying on God daily impacts my life.

For the first time in my life, I've begun to seriously learn to shape myself around the Savior. To be honest, I haven't liked some of it. Actually, I haven't liked most of it. When I asked God to show me the areas of my life where I need to change and allow Him to mold me, He made good on His word. Through friends, family, and circumstances, I believe I've had more potter-and-clay experiences than I would like to remember. No one likes to be told they're wrong or that their behavior is less than desirable. We all like to be right most of the time. So it's been hard, with God showing me left and right what I'm doing wrong.

But as much as I hate hard correction, I'm truly seeing what my behavior looks like to God and others. And I don't like what I see. I don't want to just settle for the "Good Christian" mentality, I want to strive for something more. Something worth fighting for.

I was flipping through an old Bible of my mom's the other day and found this quote:

We should be so consumed with Christ that our lives don't make sense apart from Him.

I believe ours lives were meant for more than this complacent one so many of us are living. Maybe I'm just a crazy teenager who doesn't understand the "facts of life," but I want to be a part of a generation who believes in impossible, abundant, and completely fulfilling lives in Christ! Will you join me?

Liberty University, Here I Come!

A few weeks ago I was privileged to visit one of the most dynamic Christian universities in the country: Liberty.

The College for a Weekend (CFAW) event started out for me at 4:30 am, as I headed to the airport for my flight to Lynchburg, VA. My mom and I hurried through the airport, I shuffled through security, and made a last pit stop at the deli by my flight gate. I stood in the line, praying the toaster would cook my bagel just a little faster. Finally, balancing bagel and cream cheese on the book in my hand, I walk/jogged to my gate, the last person to board. It wasn't until I was snuggled into my window seat that I realized I was missing one important item: a knife. Great, I thought. After being denied any utensils by the flight attendants, I resorted to my last means possible...using my finger to spread the cream cheese. I look like a freak, I thought, laughing to myself. My suspicions were confirmed at the look of mingled surprise and slight repulsion on the woman's face who was assigned a seat beside me.

After a hitching a ride to the university from the airport, finding out registration didn't start for another 4 hours, depositing my suitcase somewhere (possibly) safe, and wandering aimlessly around campus for a good ten minutes, I finally found myself outside the campus bookstore (aka Barnes & Noble) with a hot cup of Earl Grey tea and a cool spot to sit in the shade. So far so great, I thought halfheartedly. As I watched the people (most with laptops and coffee in hand) move around me, I felt lost and very small.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I had a text message which said, Hey, class is over. Meet me at the rot? My friend Drew was one of two people I actually knew who attended Liberty. Relief washed over me. No more sitting and feeling all alone! Except...what on earth was "the rot"? Finally, over several confusing text-messaged-instructions and one phone call later, I was on my way back across campus to the Reber-Thomas Dining Hall (called the rot by most students). Apparently, the Marriott Hotel had originally owned the building but later sold it to Liberty, but the nickname stuck.

After a delicious lunch in my opinion (a blah lunch in Drew's opinion) we headed off to his Psychology class, which I loved. The class only lasted one hour, and it was extremely interesting (in my opinion of course). Later that evening I was given the grand tour of the campus, which included many "stop and breathe" sessions and about two foot rubs. I had the wrong shoes for walking in addition to the simple fact that I am much more out of shape than I thought. But despite sore feet, I was very glad I got to see all of the campus, because it made for easy navigation the rest of the weekend.

Friday consisted of Convocation in the Vines Center (a tri-weekly required chapel time), sitting in on a theology class, watching a movie in the Tilly Center (a student coffee shop style lounge), and one of my favorite parts of the weekend........Liberty University HOCKEY!

Before this moment in my life, I had thought hockey was a boring sport that Disney occasionally made movies about, but let me just say: I was wrong. The icy chill of the rink was nothing compared to the action on the floor. The entire bleached-blonde hockey team flew across the ice with agility and speed I'd never seen. And when the action got started, it was nothing sort of fast and wild. I thought that since I was at a Christian school, there wouldn't be as much fighting as hockey is reputed to have....I was again mistaken. One moment everything was going smoothly, the next, a Liberty player was slamming an opponent's helmet against the wall over and over. The guy standing beside me assumed he was telling him, "YOU! NEED! JESUS! ARRRRR!" with every blow. We all agreed. My dorm mates and I also spent much of the game cheering for Chung, the only Asian player on the team. Why? I'm still not sure. Regardless, Liberty smoked the competition.

Saturday consisted of an early morning walmart run with Drew, waiting for a bus back to campus for an hour and a half, and a Liberty football game! (Liberty smoked the competition yet again)

And then came Sunday, the lovely day when I was to fly back home at 7:00 AM. Everything was set, including my alarm, a ride to the airport, and bags packed. But the moment I woke up in a drowsy stupor, I knew something was wrong. Grabbing my alarm clock, I gasped.

It was 8:30.

I thought I was going to be sick. I almost started hyperventilating. I did start crying, running my hands through my hair, trying not to panic. After a tearful conversation with mom, another tearful conversation with Drew (who was my ride and had waited outside for me for an hour, calling me several times...even though my phone was off), I was finally able to calm down a little. Mom said it was going to be ok, but I felt so tremendously awful! It was all my fault, and who knew how much money I was costing my parents? I cried some more. But finally, the arrangements were made and I was able to go to breakfast and later to campus church.

Even though I ended up paying my parents back for the expenses it cost to come get me, I had a great time during the weekend. Liberty University became a home to me in a matter of days. I love it there; the people, the scenery, the standards of the school, and yes, even the cafeteria food. I can't wait to be off next year for this new stage in life: college.

Almost Accindental

Lately my thoughts have been drifting back toward a day about four months ago when I could have been killed in a car accident. It was a busy day on the highway, and one miscalculation was almost a deadly mistake. In the split second before I made my decision, to swerve or make impact with the car in front of me, all the oxygen seemed to be sucked from the world.

I didn't see my life flash before my eyes, I didn't feel any terror.

A sense of mild surprise filled my bones before I acted.

It was only ten minutes later sitting in the parking lot, hands still on the wheel, that my fingers started to shake. One tear became many as I began to realize what almost happened. I had almost died, been swept from the earth in one moment.

And shockingly, the thought of dying wasn't as terrifying to me as the thought of what I would be leaving behind. My little sister. Mom and Dad...my grandparents. My church moms and dads. Friends at school, missions trip friends, and countless other people who are wonderfully important to me. I can't imagine leaving my family to pick up the pieces if I had been killed.

The more I thought about the almost-accident, I wondered what Jesus must have been thinking when He was hung on the cross. In His sovereignty, He knew He would rise again from the dead, but I wonder He was experiencing a similar type of emotional pain. I imagine He knew the pain, sense of loss, despair, and even anger His disciples would feel when He died and left them in the most permanent way they knew. I believe He could feel the anguish they would have to go through before He rose again, and their hopes were restored. But for three days, they would have to wait and wonder why Jesus, their leader and the love of their soul, would abandon them.

Many believed He was going to end the oppression of the Roman Empire, but little did they know, Jesus came for to make a lasting and eternal impact on the world.

Even in light of a potential accident and possible death, I can still say my hope and joy lies in nothing but the blood of Jesus. Because of Him alone, I have peace in the face of death. I have freedom to live for Him, and to be all He calls me to be. I'm no longer empty inside, but have the kind of joy that only comes from being a child of the One and Only.